I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
