i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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