her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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