I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
