He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
