you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize