so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
