youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
