I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
