but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
