It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
