u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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