I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
