Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she was so not down for the gang bang
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
