so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
