Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The struggles of a small town man whore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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