You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
