dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish you could order shots online.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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