Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
