McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
