Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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