Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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