i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
