The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
