Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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