yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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