someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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