i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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