I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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