I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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