She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
