in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
