He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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