I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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