He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
