i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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