week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
