Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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