OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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