YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
