I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it because I queefed?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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