I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably