I'm jealous of your bromance
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.