i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?