I think my vagina is haunted
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.