Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!