A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
