Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
