I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
