She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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