just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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