I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
