Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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