Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
