O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
