I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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