i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
