I have demons in me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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