There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
