some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
