he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
