my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
