After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
