Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
