Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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