He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
