I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
