best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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