My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
don't judge my taste in strippers
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
