Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
