is your mom at the bar?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
