If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
