I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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