it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
