I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.