You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high