I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
