Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
