shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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