dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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