last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
