i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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