I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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